Season of Ugly

Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of ugly. No one walks this earth without getting mud on their feet…sometimes!

Mud is dirty, messy, and can weigh one down. The deeper the mire the harder it is to take another step.IMG_8235

Sometimes…we fold and give up. Other times…we grab hold of anger and feast!

In this world it often feels like all we do is dodge darts. It’s easy to believe that the one throwing the darts is to blame, however, scripture tells us differently.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12.

And yet, when the sharp end of a dart hits its mark it hurts. The intensity of the pain seems to deepen when the one throwing the darts is a friend, and, how, a mother’s heart breaks when her child is the one being stuck.

But scripture is clear we can’t get tangled up in anger or bitterness. We must view conflict through the lens of God’s Word! And I’m not even going to pretend it’s easy…because it is not! Conflict is plain and simply unpleasant…or a least it is for me. I prefer to avoid conflict as if it were the plague!

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15.

…‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31.

God’s Word makes it clear, we are to go to the one who offends and try and make amends, and we must forgive them. There’s no wiggle room for anything else.

But when ugly (conflict) lands on our doorstep our flesh has a way of seeing things differently. We see the face of the one throwing darts, we begin to see their flaws, and we forget to remember it’s not a battle of flesh and blood.

I’m in a season of ugly. My girls have both experienced the sting of a friend being unkind…friends they’ve know for years…friends they’ve loved and trusted. A mother sees “red” when her child is hurting. It’s difficult for a mother to remember this is not a battle of flesh and blood when one can put faces on the ones throwing darts. It’s not an easy row to hoe…guiding your children in the mist of a difficult season paved with pain.

Wounds inflicted by bullies can have lasting effects. Children may have a difficult time moving forward, they may become fearful and lose their confidence, and they may feel helpless to stop the abuse. Sometimes the scars recieved from bullies can last a lifetime.

I, confess, I haven’t done all that the Lord ask of me. I’ve feasted on anger, I’ve wanted to give up, and I haven’t always wanted to act Christlike in this situation.

However, after wrestling with my flesh on this issue I’m trying to turn my will over to the Lord. I’m praying for God’s strength…because it is impossible to walk through this season without it. I’m praying God’s will been done. And, no, this season is not over…my girls and I are still walking through it. This season has grown long…and I’m beginning to grow weary, but I know that in the end God will give me and my girls the strength to see this thing through.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Bullying is not an issue that we should shy away from…it needs to be address! We can’t just wish it away or pretend it isn’t happening…because it is. A few months ago I read about a twelve year old who ended his life because he was being bullied. This should not be happening! Someone should not be abused to the point that they feel the only escape is to take their own life.

Bullying happens over and over…generation after generation and I’m not sure any of us have a clear picture of how to handle bullying. Therefore, I’ve decided to write further on this topic…and no I don’t have the answers, but I’m hoping if we put our heads together, perhaps, we can discover some ways to put a stop to bullying. It is my hope that you would share any thoughts, feelings, or feedback on bullying that you may have. I welcome all ideas…suggestions…concerns…just whatever you feel might help to put a stop to bullying or help someone who is being bullied…even personal stories.

Thanks, Kasey

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33 thoughts on “Season of Ugly

  1. I hate to read things like this, the hurting of hearts.. not the need to pray for you. Your words were great..necessary… I just wish like you, that our kiddos wouldn’t have to deal with the pain rejection and hurt inflicts. My daughter and I had a discussion, just today, about what to do when others treat us unkindly. I, too, find that I can feast on the food that doesn’t promote grace and I am learning to turn to prayer first, but only by His power in me. 🙂 Praying for healing for you and your girls.
    Blessings,
    Dawn

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    • Dawn, Thank you for your encouraging words and especially your prayers. Oh, how I wish our children didn’t have to be mistreated. Unfortunately we live in a fallen world with fallen people and sometimes we fallen people just don’t act nice. I’m so glad you stopped by! Blessings and grace to you, Kasey

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  2. I remember the lasting affect bullying had on my life throughout 7th and 8th grade. The taunts, name calling, chasing me home, are still fresh in my mind. I just watched the movie Cyber Bully with my daughter last week and was overcome with emotion. It’s so much easier now to be a bully unseen with the success of social media. Thank you for calling attention to this very important topic. It affects more children than we know.

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    • Barbie, You are so right…bullying has lasting effects…sometimes even for a lifetime. I’m sorry you had to endure bullying…it can be so painful to walk through. (I too was bullied and hoped my children would never have to endure bullying themselves…but that was not to be.) I do believe more people need to speak out on this topic because it happens and I don’t think we really know how to help or stop bullying. I’ve searched the web for some advice…its usually the same…be assertive, look the bullying the eye, and look confident. This advice is truly not helpful…if the person be bullied were that kind of person they probably wouldn’t be bullied in the first place. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. Blessing and peace to you, Kasey

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    • Susie, I’m sorry to hear your teen is going through a difficult season…it breaks a mother’s heart when her child hurts. Thankfully God can use all things for good. Blessings to you, Kasey

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  3. I’ve noticed that confidence is the best way to fight bullying. As a teacher myself, the first thing is to have confidence and to be certain myself why bullying is wrong. Why what the kids did was exactly wrong and what they should have done instead.
    If I’m not absolutely certain, if I stumble, or if I’m a shamed and nervious, it just gives the message that bullying is OK, as long as nobody finds out. That I’m not certain that it’s not a good thing. That I don’t even know what I’m talking about.
    But when you talk with the kids with confidence and show them that you are absolutely certain that this is not a good thing and it will not be tolerated, they listen to you. And you can make huge changes, positive changes even for the bullies.

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    • Joanna, I appreciate your taking the time to respond to my plea for help. My husband and I are trying to help our daughters with confidence, but bullying has a way of leaving one feeling unsure and fearful. We will be working on building confidence. Thanks again. Blessings to you, Kasey

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  4. I feel your pain – when someone hurts our loved ones, the natural thing is to strike back! I, too, went through a season of ugly. It took praying God’s word, taking every thought captive and realizing my anger was sin in His eyes to get me through. But He is faithful! Visiting you today from Testimony Tuesday!

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    • Ellen, Thank you for your words of encouragement. I’ve being doing a great deal of praying…believing God can use all things for good. I know He is faithful to walk all of us through this season. Blessings and grace to you, Kasey

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  5. Words are powerful. Praying you and your family experience more of the kind that build up. Thanks for encouraging well. And thanks for linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday.

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  6. My heart aches for your girls and for you. I am so sorry you are having to fight this battle, but I am grateful for your girls that they have a mama who will fight for them. I am reading Mark Batterson’s book about praying circles around our children. It gave me a new visual and method of praying for them. Have you read it? It’s super cheap! Here’s the link: http://smile.amazon.com/Praying-Circles-around-Your-Children/dp/0310325501/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1423093451&sr=8-2&keywords=mark+batterson+praying+circles+around+your+children

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    • Jennifer, Thank you for your heartfelt encouragement. I haven’t heard about Mark’s book, but I will be sure to get a copy…thanks for telling me about this book. Blessings and grace to you, Kasey

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  7. A lot of truth here, Kasey. I related on so many levels. The sting of hurt that can turn to bitterness if left unchecked. Seeing red when our kids experience pain. All things that are difficult for us to control, but rest squarely in God’s hands. You are right – bullying is the new epidemic. Tearing down others with little thought for the consequence – especially difficult when we see if amongst those who proclaim Christ. We certainly need more grace! Looking forward to reading more of your words on this important topic. Blessed to stop by from #threewordwednesday.

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    • Tiffy, Thank you for your sweet words! At present this issue has gotten a great deal more painful and I have decided to wait a while longer before posting again on this problem. However, I still plan to write on bullying in a few weeks…I went to the library and gathered a stack of books on this subject and believe it is an issue that needs to be talked about. I hope it will help others who may be experiencing this problem. Blessings and grace, Kasey

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  8. It is hard for us when we have been hurt but when it is someone doing something to our children that’s another story entirely. I feel your pain and anger and have been there too. Thank you so much for the reminder of how God wants us to deal with these situations and may He give you strength and peace as you sort it all out. Thanks for sharing at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings

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  9. I appreciate your heart in seeking God’s way and peaceful resolution even as you deal with your own wounded mother’s heart and helping the children work through their own hurt. I continue praying for healing and restoration, and that God will be glorified out of the ugly. Love your beautiful family!

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