This being my 100th post, it feels a little bit like my birthday. I thought…I would share with you…how I became a blogger/writer. I truly believe it is a gift from God and when I say gift, I mean a gift to me. I think once you’ve heard my story you will agree.
The Lord never put a passion in me for writing, that is until about six or seven years ago–it was never a lifetime dream…it wasn’t even a bleep on the radar. I did however, love reading the written word–I could be transported to a different time, different place without ever leaving the comfort of my own home. I could go on a journey and still be home in time for supper. But as much as I loved reading, I never had the slightest desire to do any writing of my own. I was perfectly content to read what other people wrote. However, there was a time when reading was the last thing I wanted to do.
You see…I had a very difficult time learning to read. I first started having trouble in the first grade. I can still remember my dad sitting with me after school trying to help me read. He became frustrated, I became frustrated and eventually I just gave up and quit trying. I muddled through until the third grade. My parents were told if they did not hold me back a year, I would eventually fail a grade and that it was easier for a child to repeat a year of school, when they were younger. Therefore, my parents decided, it would be best for me to repeat the third grade. Although, I’ve never been tested for dyslexia, I believe I’m slightly dyslexic (dyslexia was not something people knew a lot about when I was in elementary school). Throughout my later years of school, teachers often told me they saw signs of me being dyslexic–especially with mathematics (I very often turned numbers around). I don’t believe my dyslexia is severe, but I do believe it was severe enough to make learning to read a challenge.
Holding me back a year was viewed by my teacher as a good thing for me academically and from that standpoint it was–I picked up reading right away, with my second go around, in the third grade. But from an emotional standpoint it was not! You see I was a very shy child–my teachers described me as painfully shy. Therefore, when the next school year rolled around and I started the third grade for the second time; and my previous classmates discovered that I’d not moved up with them, they began to throw unkind words at me like stupid, dumb, and failure–their words were aimed to wound and I can assure you they hit their mark. This was not a one time occurrence it happened day-after-day. When I would walk out to the school bus, at the end of the day, some of my previous classmates would wait in front of their bus for me to walk by just so they could make fun of me. Their taunts slashed and cut my heart to threads, my self-esteem plummeted–which did not improve my shyness–and I began to believe their unkind words. I remember this going on, for close to two years, before they eventually forgot about me.
Once people forgot about the fact that I was held back a year in school it became my secret. I didn’t want anyone to find out–I didn’t want to be made fun of anymore. I tried to avoid telling people my age. If they new my age, then they would know, I was held back a year in school. I never lied, but I did my best to avoid the question. If I was put on the spot and they insisted on knowing how old I was, I would tell them. The first words out of their mouths was always the same, “Oh, you failed!” At this point they didn’t mean to be cruel, however, the words stung just the same.
By the time I reached high school I was an average student, I got mostly A’s and B’s with a few C’s. I planned to go to college. I had to meet with my school guidance counselor about how to prepare for college. When I told her I wanted to go to college she said, “You need to get that out of your head right now, your not smart enough to go to college.” I know your probably having a hard time believing she said such a thing, but I assure you I can still hear her words today. I was shocked when I heard her words, after all, she was supposed to be helping me not hindering. I decided rather than give up, I’d show her. I went on to get a Bachelor’s Degree in Secondary Education.
All my life I’ve struggled with feeling of self doubt. I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m not very smart, that I’m just one step away from proving I’m a failure. Achieving that four year degree has done little to improve that belief. I tell you this not to get your sympathy or to get you to feel sorry for me. I tell you this so you can see how great our God is. You see about six or seven years ago God put a desire in my heart to write a book and although it’s not complete, its under way.
I’ve also struggled with people-pleasing–I avoid conflict at all cost. As I look back over my life it’s not hard for one to see why I struggle in these areas, however, God is helping me to overcome. I won’t lie and tell you people-pleasing is no longer and issue in my life, but I will tell you I’m making strides.
You see…last fall I went through a very difficult period in my life. I was way over-extended with serving outside my family. God had been telling for over a year I needed to step back from so many responsibilities, however, I would not listen. I feared disappointing man more than I feared God. He brought me to my knees and helped me to put His will for my life, first–where it should be. It was in this season that I felt God calling me to blog. I knew nothing about blogging, I hadn’t even read a blog. It was totally foreign to me. But I was convinced blogging was something God wanted me to do. Therefore, I obeyed.
I hope you see God’s grace in this. God took a shy girl, who was taunted and told what a failure she was and turned her into a writer. A woman scared of being exposed as a failure–fearful of being taunted once again. A woman still haunted by words that were spoken nearly forty years ago. God gave her the courage to write and put her words out for the whole world to read. That my friend can only be God. God has put this passion in my heart. His gift of words, He has given to me. I hope you can see what a glorious God we serve. The words I spill for you to read are from God, I’m just the typist.
For nothing is impossible with God. Luke 1:37
Words are powerful. They have the ability to bring hope and change to a hurting world. They also also have the ability to crush, wound, and break a spirit. Words thrown about carelessly have the potential to leave scars that may last a lifetime. Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. Proverbs 12:18
I hope these words have blessed you.
I wanted to let you know I’ve decided to blog for “World Help.” I want to put action behind my words.
If you would like to comment on anything that I’ve shared today, I welcome your opinion.
Count blessings, Kasey